Why we overestimate our strength?
Why we overestimate our strength and what to do about it
Today we will tell you where the belief in your own omnipotence comes from and why you should not raise the bar of requirements for yourself too high.
One of the most common reasons for burnout and dissatisfaction with oneself is failure to fulfill obligations to others and the discrepancy between the actual amount of work and the forces that we allocated for them. Feeling tired of self-disappointment can affect not only the workplace, but all of life, Forbes warns. There are four main reasons for burnout.
We compare ourselves to others
“Comparison is the thief of joy,” wrote Theodore Roosevelt. The comparison of a person with others is also laid down by education. Remember how often we were given the example of others - children with outstanding results, adults to whom we had to strive for, authorities among famous people. Since childhood, many of us are afraid of not reaching the target, not getting the necessary approval and disappointment - loved ones, others, colleagues, bosses, childhood friends, parents and children.
If we compare ourselves to others, we may be left with feelings of inferiority or superiority—and neither creates an emotionally healthy human being!
“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”
Max Ehrmann’s “Desiderata”
The problem, however, is that comparing a person does not work in his favor: this is one of the most dishonest motivations imposed from the outside. Each person has personal inclinations and skills: one child is not like another, not every adult is able to inspire, despite his exploits, and third-party authorities cited by parents are often authorities only for the parents themselves.
In adulthood, the habit of comparison in appearance, ability, age, achievement, income, and experience makes it difficult to enjoy the chosen path and act in accordance with one's own dreams.
A raised bar of achievement can affect a person in different ways. Even to achieve your sincerely chosen goals and hobbies, you can choose the wrong pace. Following other people's priorities and goals is frustrating and confusing: it is more difficult for a person who is far from the mass media to achieve the same recognition than for someone who has chosen a public field of work. It is more difficult for a person from a poor family to get those starting opportunities that wealthy children had. It is more difficult for an introvert to achieve social capital and the activity of an extrovert. And often, overestimating our strengths, we do not realize that in achieving our goals, we spend a lot of energy on agreements with ourselves, especially if we compare ourselves with others on their scale.
2. We associate self-love with achievement
“You don’t want to finish like dad”, “Nobody needs you without higher education”, “God grant that you graduate from school with your mediocre abilities”, “They don’t take sports with such a body” - and so on. Many were told in childhood that they did not meet any objective indicators, were unable to take first places, get medals, and quickly learn something.
The truth is that there will not be enough medals and pedestals for everyone, and the number of useful skills that are not backed up by a positive reaction will in no way correct the self-esteem of adult boys and girls, says Psychology Today. The general problem of associating self-worth with a list of wins and losses is often tied to age thresholds. By the age of 25, you are supposed to achieve one thing, by 30 - to understand another, by 40 - to be the third. As a result, we want to think that if we push our efforts and jump over our heads, please fictional parents, teachers and everyone who doubted us (in our head), then we can finally be proud of ourselves. And for feats for the sake of someone else's motivation, you never have enough of your own strength.
3. We do not know how to manage time and prioritize
Chronic overwork, when time slips through your fingers and the opportunity to take on an important task does not appear for months, is often poor time management, as well as a lack of motivation and the right priorities.
You have probably noticed how easily difficulties are overcome in what we love, how much easier it is for us to agree with our people, and how quickly we achieve results in what we like and get.
Reappraisal of strength most often concerns endowing stressful and complex tasks with the properties of activities that cause joyful anticipation, those with which time flows faster. But strength is usually needed for things that require a little less enthusiasm.
As an experiment, look at the day's schedule and things to do in the future that are not very exciting. Allow one and a half times more time for each of them - see if you are coping and in what mood.
Get in the habit of sorting cases by urgency and importance, and be sure to assign the status of important to those cases on which your well-being depends.
If a short workout, a healthy dinner, and restful sleep are responsible for your mood throughout the day, don't limit yourself to a quick snack and a couple of hours of sleep.
When it comes to priorities, be sure to highlight the things you need on your calendar (basic work responsibilities, helping family members, taking care of yourself and your health), additional tasks (small tasks, small promises, side events) and strategic plans for the future.
4. We cannot afford to be weak
"I never get sick", "Don't feel sorry for me now", "I'll be like a bayonet, no matter what happens", "I'm in touch 24/7" - with such attitudes, you can easily overestimate your strength. Especially during an epidemic, when changing the social and personal way of life requires additional strength.
In an atmosphere of constant competition and against the background of the endless success of others, it seems that to refuse means to follow the example of one's own laziness, to lose to competitors, to miss an opportunity that is available only now, writes psychologist Adam Grant (author of the WorkLife podcast), on the pages of The New York Times. But the results of our work at the limit also have a downside: burnout, chronic fatigue, dissatisfaction with ourselves, anxiety, routine.
Not allowing yourself to get sick, not thinking about anything, not doing anything, complaining is only part of the problem. Most often, "weakness" in this case also includes "wrong" emotions - resentment, envy, anger, fatigue, irritation, because these are the emotions of weaklings: the strong accept, turn on, forgive, win and never get tired.
As a result, blocking the weakness in ourselves, we forget about the facts: after days when everything works out for us, there will definitely be days when we are not lucky. Something will break, we will be sick, and force majeure and "black swans" (like those we are seeing right now) will knock us out of a rut.
We cannot insure ourselves against everything in advance and endure stoically every blow, we do not always feel cheerful, sometimes we fall under the influence of the wrong people. For no reason, a wheel can burst, a phone break, and a passport can be lost. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes, we forgive ourselves in advance for future shortcomings and thereby save our strength, spending it not on worries in the future, but on the feeling of the present.
